Saturday, November 20, 2010

Officially giving up.

I am so stuck right now. There are no great tragedies in my life, there is nothing wrong with me - I know it is all just mind games but I am right on the verge of complete "miserable-ness". Not just for 12WBT but for my whole life.

I'm not coping with anything much from finance to housework to friendships (I have none). My life has felt so empty since I moved to this place at the beginning of the year and I thought the 12WBT would go some way to filling that void. I thought regular exercise, concentrating on eating right and "making friends" through the 12WBT would help but ultimately it hasn't. It has just enlarged my isolation as I completely, totally and utterly fail at achieving anything - including making connections with people.

I get it - I understand - why would anyone want to be friends with such a whining, sad sack. The thing is I'm not always like this. And I tried so hard to be friendly, supportive etc to people but it just seems to be another thing I'm not good at.

If anything, I feel like my attempt to do the 12WBT has just shown what a failure I am and how pathetic I am at "making friends".

So now I officially give up. Although - realistically, I gave up about 2 weeks ago but was just in denial.

It hasn't left me with nothing - it's left me with the ability to make better food choices (although less of that has been happening recently), I have watched the journey of amazing people and it's given me hope that my mum is starting to make some small changes in her life that might see her reduce her 170kg weight down to ?? who knows.

It seems the sky's the limit - for everyone but me.

NOTE - Just read my previous post - Apparently I officially gave up in Week 7! Go me!


  1. What am I?? Chopped bloody liver? LOL Seriously ..... when I read your posts I swear you are channeling me!! I also feel on the outer, watching everyone else interact & have fun. AND it doesn't help when you run away.....LOL You are about one of the only people who seems to pay attention to my Tweets.... PLEASE come back to twitter....don't give up, keep plodding away with me YOUR FRIEND. One of the other things I like about our little group of roomies is that we are all in the same spot I think....just chugging along mostly on our own....I am so looking forward to hanging out with all of you!! YOU guys are the only thing that I am focusing on....otherwise I am almost at the point of freaking out and pulling the plug!! I really really miss you.....really really...not making that up! I still have not booked my train ticket....I start to hyperventilate just thinking about it......anyway...enough said! Now it is time for YOU to shake it off sister....

  2. Hey Lynda,

    Thank you for pulling me from the abyss and giving me something to re-focus on. I am really truly like a boat out to sea right now.... I've been drifting for weeks now and with your kick in the ass have realised I need to set the mainsail(???) and get back to it. :) Thank you.