Wow! I honestly don't know where the last 2 months have gone..... And here I am, only a smidgen closer to my weight loss goals and a mile away from my fitness goals.
Right from the beginning, I have managed to make excuses. I have to recognise I am stronger than my self-defeating excuses and that I can do so much more.
I honestly feel like I am going to pull through with Round 3. Round 2 has set me up with a new mindset. I have seen other people push themselves above and beyond (MrsHethro....) and achieve incredible results. I want to be there beside them. I want to be an achiever too and I am sick and tired of being the 100 kilo person.
My goal for Round 3 is to bust through the 100s and even the 90s and get well in to the 80s!!! I'm going to set one of those BHAG (BIG HAIRY AUDACIOUS GOALS) that Mish keeps talking about. Time to hit a new high (or new low, as I prefer to think about it...).
I understand what it is going to take this time. So I am going to push through and DO IT!!!!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Reality Hits.
Okay. I am not "with the program" at the moment. I literally have too much on my plate and that is just life at the moment. I struggle to organise my own daily life without the addition of a new exercise plan and meal plan. I am incorporating the meals as much as possible and putting away serves in the freezer (definitely making the lasagne again! YUM!).
As for the exercise - I have a new "virtual" exercise partner! We have set a date for this Sunday and we are going to do this together via SKYPE!!-we will exercise our butts off and enjoy doing it. She has made me promise not to laugh at her but I hope we do have a few laughs together - I could do with that.
I don't see that me saying there is too much on my plate right now is an excuse for not following the program completely but it is my reality right now. To do this program requires more time than I have available to me and I can't put things on hold. I have so much to clear out in my life so I am making the changes I can and pushing through.
I will get there in the end.
As for the exercise - I have a new "virtual" exercise partner! We have set a date for this Sunday and we are going to do this together via SKYPE!!-we will exercise our butts off and enjoy doing it. She has made me promise not to laugh at her but I hope we do have a few laughs together - I could do with that.
I don't see that me saying there is too much on my plate right now is an excuse for not following the program completely but it is my reality right now. To do this program requires more time than I have available to me and I can't put things on hold. I have so much to clear out in my life so I am making the changes I can and pushing through.
I will get there in the end.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Black hole and Good Intentions
So I wandered in to a black hole of excuses and "time issues", just in time for the beginning of the 12WBT.
I am beginning to wonder if I can take myself at my word! Can I trust myself? Who am I trying to impress by making all these grand statements about what I will or won't do? I thought by saying it, it would make me do it.... Not so far. But it has been good to look at the words I have written because they were written with good intent and they are good words. They are true to what I want but they haven't moved from words to action. These words are going to move me out of the black hole and get my mind in the right place. I am most of the way there with my food, now the exercise has to follow.
Eight days in to the challenge and I have done my first proper session of exercise, in my house. I can do that every day. I have no excuse. I can always find an hour in the day to put in some hard fitness and I will in future. I have also come to recognise that I need the gym.
I have thrown caution to the wind and decided to join up at a local gym. It was what kept me training for 12 months and I miss it so badly. I need the companionship, I need the challenge, I need someone to be impressed. The rest of my world is so virtual at the moment - I work alone over the internet for someone interstate, I study by correspondence, I have so little human contact outside my immediate family that I don't think I can do this challenge virtually as well. I need human contact to help keep me accountable and to push me to my limits! It is the only way to go ahead.
I am going to crawl my way out of this black hole by reflecting on my good intentions and turning them in to action. Woooohooooo!
I am beginning to wonder if I can take myself at my word! Can I trust myself? Who am I trying to impress by making all these grand statements about what I will or won't do? I thought by saying it, it would make me do it.... Not so far. But it has been good to look at the words I have written because they were written with good intent and they are good words. They are true to what I want but they haven't moved from words to action. These words are going to move me out of the black hole and get my mind in the right place. I am most of the way there with my food, now the exercise has to follow.
Eight days in to the challenge and I have done my first proper session of exercise, in my house. I can do that every day. I have no excuse. I can always find an hour in the day to put in some hard fitness and I will in future. I have also come to recognise that I need the gym.
I have thrown caution to the wind and decided to join up at a local gym. It was what kept me training for 12 months and I miss it so badly. I need the companionship, I need the challenge, I need someone to be impressed. The rest of my world is so virtual at the moment - I work alone over the internet for someone interstate, I study by correspondence, I have so little human contact outside my immediate family that I don't think I can do this challenge virtually as well. I need human contact to help keep me accountable and to push me to my limits! It is the only way to go ahead.
I am going to crawl my way out of this black hole by reflecting on my good intentions and turning them in to action. Woooohooooo!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Roller Coasters and Masks
So it's been a few days since I last blogged..... I have had so many ups and downs over the past week and a bit that I just simply haven't wanted to document the roller coaster ride each day!
One of the ups is that I am really pleased I have kicked my diet soft drink habit. I'm 9 days in and have had to forcibly stop myself from seeking out "something" to put in my mouth when I've felt stressed or bored. It particularly hit home at work where I would normally drink 3-4 cans of diet soft drink a day!
Without it, I have realised how bored I am at work and how quick I am to "mask" those feelings with eating and/or drinking. With such a simple change comes a whole heap of clear thinking. I am so much more aware of how often I am feeling certain things and have started addressing them instead of masking them with food and/or drink.
One of the downs is that I haven't exercised since I joined the challenge. It has been about 6 months since I last properly exercised. The really disappointing part is that I was exercising 5-6 times a week for a whole year prior to this current lull and now I feel too intimidated by my own feats of the past to get back in to it. I can feel the disappointment before I even set foot out there, that I have lost all the fitness I worked so hard for - it is particularly evident in the weight I have put back on - 15 kilos in the last 6 months.
So while I continue on this roller coaster ride, I'm going to make the commitment that never again in my life will a whole week pass when I have not at least exercised once and most weeks at least 3-4 times a week.
Why? Because I am worth it and so is everyone else on this challenge. You are worth every minute you take to improve yourself.
One of the ups is that I am really pleased I have kicked my diet soft drink habit. I'm 9 days in and have had to forcibly stop myself from seeking out "something" to put in my mouth when I've felt stressed or bored. It particularly hit home at work where I would normally drink 3-4 cans of diet soft drink a day!
Without it, I have realised how bored I am at work and how quick I am to "mask" those feelings with eating and/or drinking. With such a simple change comes a whole heap of clear thinking. I am so much more aware of how often I am feeling certain things and have started addressing them instead of masking them with food and/or drink.
One of the downs is that I haven't exercised since I joined the challenge. It has been about 6 months since I last properly exercised. The really disappointing part is that I was exercising 5-6 times a week for a whole year prior to this current lull and now I feel too intimidated by my own feats of the past to get back in to it. I can feel the disappointment before I even set foot out there, that I have lost all the fitness I worked so hard for - it is particularly evident in the weight I have put back on - 15 kilos in the last 6 months.
So while I continue on this roller coaster ride, I'm going to make the commitment that never again in my life will a whole week pass when I have not at least exercised once and most weeks at least 3-4 times a week.
Why? Because I am worth it and so is everyone else on this challenge. You are worth every minute you take to improve yourself.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Getting Real
I think I may have a new addiction coming on - The 12WBT Forums! Everyone I have "met" so far has been very supportive and very informative. I am looking forward to the challenge to begin and think I am getting in to the right head space. Hoorah!
So part of getting real for me is acknowledging what I have done to myself over the past 7 months. I've gone from someone who was exercising 4-6 times a week to no exercise at all for the past 6 months. I have virtually regained the 15 kilos I lost last year. My disappointment is palpable. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it - I need my energy for getting back on track.
The scales informed me this morning that I have hit 105 kilos.. Ouch. Reality hurts.
I will be measuring my centimetres too because I don't lose weight easily. Last year in a period of 3 months I only lost 6.5 kilos but went from a Size 20 to a Size 16. I lost heaps of centimetres from my tummy, thighs and waist as I built heaps of muscle.
So, it's time to get real. No more dwelling in the glories or failures of the past but focus on the now and get my butt moving!
So part of getting real for me is acknowledging what I have done to myself over the past 7 months. I've gone from someone who was exercising 4-6 times a week to no exercise at all for the past 6 months. I have virtually regained the 15 kilos I lost last year. My disappointment is palpable. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it - I need my energy for getting back on track.
The scales informed me this morning that I have hit 105 kilos.. Ouch. Reality hurts.
I will be measuring my centimetres too because I don't lose weight easily. Last year in a period of 3 months I only lost 6.5 kilos but went from a Size 20 to a Size 16. I lost heaps of centimetres from my tummy, thighs and waist as I built heaps of muscle.
So, it's time to get real. No more dwelling in the glories or failures of the past but focus on the now and get my butt moving!
Friday, May 28, 2010
Journey Begins Again
I don't think I can count the number of times I've been at this place.
Believing this will be the last time I'm ever going to diet. That I'm going to reach my goal.
Now my goal is self-satisfaction, it's not just about getting fitter or losing weight. It's about being happy and being happy to be me. Perhaps the rest will follow. Perhaps not.
Don't get me wrong - I'm going to be exercising like a crazed woman (there have been times in the past I've actually enjoyed that) and striving to eat the healthiest I can but my goal is not to be thin or healthy or fit, my goal within all that is to be at peace with myself and to find the happiness with myself that has evaded me for so long!
I'm going to do this to get back to being the person I want to be. The person I want to present to the world instead of hiding behind these layers of fat.
Believing this will be the last time I'm ever going to diet. That I'm going to reach my goal.
Now my goal is self-satisfaction, it's not just about getting fitter or losing weight. It's about being happy and being happy to be me. Perhaps the rest will follow. Perhaps not.
Don't get me wrong - I'm going to be exercising like a crazed woman (there have been times in the past I've actually enjoyed that) and striving to eat the healthiest I can but my goal is not to be thin or healthy or fit, my goal within all that is to be at peace with myself and to find the happiness with myself that has evaded me for so long!
I'm going to do this to get back to being the person I want to be. The person I want to present to the world instead of hiding behind these layers of fat.
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